So Small for a Love So Large

When I held him in my arms, he was so small. So small. I cried oh god how I cried. I asked, is there anything we can do? The doctor said, I’m sorry no, he’s just too small. I cried harder. Please, I’ll do anything, anything at all. Please. Please! Save him! Let him live, […]

Shroud

this grey feathered mist curls around my ankles raw and damp and mucid wraps its icy fingers up my shin my rattling knees bend and collapse how many breaths taken before surrender holds my hand before the deep mist swallows me in echoes and shadows and cold shivers and haunted sighs (I wonder why I […]

Journal Entries

Last night I said, “I cried less today than yesterday.” And I felt like it was some small triumph. But today I go pick up his ashes and I’m not sure how to carry on. I’ve done nothing but cry today. I cried literally from the moment I woke up to the time I went […]

dead ahead – reblog

The language of small talk kills me when it has to walk with death. What do your parents do? Well. My parents were professors. My dad was a professor, but he retired, and then died. My mom was a professor, but she retired. My parents were professors, but it is no longer the same kind […]

Memories in Withdrawal

When they placed him in my arms, he weighed nothing at all I didn’t even know how to hold him The moment I looked into his face, I felt something burst and bloom in my heart Something I had never felt before and never have since Even today I feel the tug of his existence […]

Overtaken

Loneliness overtakes my mind Reaching its tendrils of longing Deep inside my heart You’re right there So close And yet impossibly far away I look at you And my soul feels complete I read your words And I am bound more closely to you And yet And yet There you are My hand reaches for […]

Barren

Even though I know what it does to my heart, still I lay here night after night and morning after morning and all I can think about is you. It’s the words you speak. The look in your eye. I think about our lips touching. How I want you to devour me. Inhale me. Consume […]

Grief Held

The loss was so profound So deep So all-encompassing that it Seemed For a time As if the tears would Never End “Will I ever stop crying?” I asked the world in general In poured the platitudes The endearments The empty gestures And then she spoke up from the midst “Never. You’ll never stop crying.” […]

Box of Memories

Lowering myself to the edge of the bed I clutched the small box to my chest Afraid to look inside Afraid not to It had been given to me Both a curse and then a gift With a trembling grip I lifted its lid Stared inside at the contents Carefully fingering each item within A […]

Heart on a Windowsill

There was this moment in time when I went from I really like you to I want you in my life forever. I can remember exactly where I was: standing in front of the heater in the middle of my night, the moon shining through my windows, and tears streaming down my cheeks. What was […]