Ocean Scenery

There aren’t many places in the world that make me happy more consistently than the ocean. Or, perhaps, the beach by the ocean (because let’s face it, I’m not out in the water… it’s Alaska, for Pete’s sake). It’s the smell in the air. The wide open spaces. The sounds of seagulls and eagles screeching. […]

Déjà Vu

Today I feel naked and vulnerable and more than ever I wish I had his arms to lie in. I need him to lift my chin and speak sense into me and tell me I can be exposed before him. Everything feels like I’m on repeat. I’m sure I’ve done this before. Felt this pit […]

That Fine Line

Your feet nearly touch the thin line, waiting, then pushing a toe tentatively nearer; you sigh wistfully, pull back gently. What delight may be held, should you ultimately cross over? Would it be to your peril or your salvation? There are risks and there are rewards to that line. You know you can’t straddle it. […]

Silence Brings Calm

Keep your mouth shut, little bitch. Ain’t nothing you got to say that means nothing important. Get on your knees and scrub the floors clean, clean, ever clean. Every crack and crevice, nook and cranny need special attention. Your sharp eye and a toothbrush ought to do the trick. Today. Silence surrounds. Schk-Schk-Schk. But even […]

So Small for a Love So Large

When I held him in my arms, he was so small. So small. I cried oh god how I cried. I asked, is there anything we can do? The doctor said, I’m sorry no, he’s just too small. I cried harder. Please, I’ll do anything, anything at all. Please. Please! Save him! Let him live, […]

Calm Space

And I’m searching for that calm space in my mind, as his hand is around my throat and he’s biting my shoulder and I can’t move and he’s fucking me, telling me it’s love and he’s the only one who truly loves me but I can’t move and my safe-word meant nothing and he tells […]

Walk Away

I’m tired. Tired of myself. Tired of my mind. Tired of the constant swirl of voices. I’m tired of being told my way of thinking is wrong. You think I don’t know?? Oh, I know. Believe me. I spend my hours thinking, thinking, thinking. I’m remembering, tallying up all the things he said and did. […]

Bound

Before you, my life was pale. Incomplete. Unsatisfactory. An element was missing I could never place. I tried filling that spot with lots of other things and people, nothing ever matching up just right. I wasn’t searching for love. And yet, in a moment our hearts went from two to one. Our spirits became bound, […]

Broken Beyond

Nights long past when I lay there in his arms, my soul felt complete and whole. And then he went away and I lay here alone, my heart having gone with him, I am but incomplete. Lacking. Tears soak my cheeks. My pillow. I cover my face. Shame fills me for letting him in. For […]