I asked my therapist to be very direct with me early on in our sessions…. That’s the thing about honesty. If we can own our feelings and experience, there is nothing to fear about truth. If we can step into OUR authentic selves, we can let other people be THEIR authentic selves.Illusion vs Delusion | Blog
I asked my therapist to be very direct with me early on in our sessions. She told me, “many clients have told me that I can be too direct so let me know if I need to adjust.” I laughed and assured her that there was no such thing.
Directness and clarity do not leave room for my trauma to project its own distorted view of reality onto others’ words. I don’t have to worry if they’re lying to me to protect my feelings if I initiate an agreement of full honesty, no holds barred, and can find it within me to trust that. That’s the thing about honesty. If we can own our feelings and experience, there is nothing to fear about truth. If we can step into OUR authentic selves, we can let other people be THEIR authentic selves.
The things we won’t allow others to have are the things we will not allow ourselves.
Deception is something you can feel. You could attribute it to the fact that we are hyperattuned to microexpressions and body language on a deeply unconscious level. Or you could also attribute it to energetic attunement.
Sometimes people weaponize truth. My family pointed out plenty of my very real flaws that needed work. But they delivered these truths as half-truths. They watered them down with their own ego preoccupations and attachments, with their desire to control. Because these grains of truth were used to support their gaslighting campaigns against me. They were used to convince me that I was the problem, that I was the ONLY problem, and that they weren’t also guilty of many of the same things and MORE. They used them to avoid confronting their own truths so they wouldn’t have to do the work.
That’s a real cowardly use of truth you got there. Be a shame if someone just…decided not to listen to it.
When these same truths about my shadow, about the personal work I needed to do, came from people who loved me unconditionally, at first I mistook them for similar attacks. Even knowing on some level that they weren’t.
I was lying to myself.
That is what abuse teaches us to do. To protect our reality, we lock down on what we think we know. The hurt we feel in the presence of truth becomes imprinted with the truths themselves. With keywords and phrases. The lens of trauma takes shape. And soon, that lens, those schemas, begin to slot into place before we’ve even had a chance to process what is being said to us.
It steals our creativity. It robs us of our ability to see imaginative solutions for ourselves, worlds where things could be better—who we could be without our trauma lens.
When I started to feel into my body and listen for what is there, beneath the “story” on the surface, I felt the level of courageous love coming off people like my therapist and my friends when they confronted me. When they delivered hard truths. I also felt my deep feelings of shame and worthlessness, the ones I used to project and scatter outside of me. Here was a person who cared more about me feeling good than having the illusion (and sometimes DElusion) of feeling good.
Illusion/Delusion. See, one of them is the lies we perpetuate and the other represents the ones we choose for ourselves.
When you hold back the truth, you cast an illusion. A glamor. You throw a nice rug over a big moldy hole in the wooden floor and you hope the person you claim to love does not try to walk over it.
Delusion is choosing to dissociate from your body so that you don’t have to feel that lie. So that you can curl up in your own sickness and go to sleep. And you will never be happy that way. Take it from me.
This was just too good to not share. It has been so great to watch Gray grow and change over the years via her blog. She’s open, honest, and an absolute breath of fresh air in a world which does much to offer lip service without much substance behind it. — I agree with her: honesty frees us to be the real us, not the delusion of us. — tara caribou
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