How It Feels – Collaboration

I had finally fallen asleep, something which does not come easy for me. How did you get in? I didn’t even hear you, didn’t feel your approach. My chest erupts in a fountain of pain and confusion. My god, is that a knife, this can’t be happening, can’t be real. Please stop . . . don’t . . . not like this. I can’t die like this.

You looked so fucking peaceful there, my dear. Like a goddamned angel. In this darkness you’re perfect. Innocent. Let me free you from this bondage of the world, you deserve to fly the heavens once more. Through pain, your heart’s substance is released.

I have to admit, this really hurts. Our breath finds a rhythm as the knife plunges. I writhe and heave as I feel every inch, it enters so clean, splinters bone. There is a passion to this, you are really going to make this an experience for me, aren’t you?

The more you fight, the more beautiful you become in my eyes. Look! How easily my blade slides in, and out and in again. The fading embers in your eyes ignite my rapture. You, lying there, writhing. Don’t fight this, my darling. Let me absorb your pain, my pleasure. Oh! You’re perfect. You’re doing wonderful.

They say at the end, your life will flash before your eyes. I don’t see or feel anything except the cold realization of the blade, over and over, in and out. There’s a growing numbness but once in a while the knife hits something, just right, and the pain explodes all over again. I can’t even see your face but I feel your eyes watching mine. Am I your first or have you shared this with others? Why did you choose me? Am I something special to you or nothing more than a random stranger with an unlocked door? It’s strange, but in a way, this is the closest I have ever felt to anyone.

Oh! You look so provocative lying there beneath me, grappling my hands, clothed in beautiful red skin, becoming weaker, clarity overtaking your addled mind, breath in gasps and sighs. Reach for peace, my love. I’ll meet you on the other side. No more screaming. No more calling out. Hush now, lover. I’m here: I’m all you’ll ever need. All you’ll ever want. Come to me.

Uhh, that taste, metallic, gurgling in my throat, out my mouth, down my chin and neck, pooling beneath the back of my head. I can’t move. It was dark before but nothing like this. I still hear you breathing . . . so calm, so cold. I understand now and it’s okay. It’s okay, I forgive you. Will you forgive me? Just please, don’t walk away, don’t leave me, not yet. I don’t want to die alone. Please, give me that, share this with me till the end.

mmmm… tasting you on my lips: it’s divinity sublime. Drinking your life’s very essence from your mouth. In this, your last moments, we have become one. Pure, genuine unity. My tongue laps you up, sliding across your teeth, sucking your last breaths down into my own lungs. Yes, we are one, you and I. Exactly how it was always meant to be.

God damn, so this is how it feels.

River Dixon & tara caribou | ©️2018

When River asked if I’d like to murder him, you’d think I’d be put-off, perhaps surprised, but instead, in my twisted mind, I was immediately picturing stabbing him over and over. hhhmmmm… Is this something I should share with you? Maybe not. But I just did anyway. Listen. He’s one of the most incredible authors out there. I am sincerely honored that he would choose to work with me and I hope this is the beginning of more “stories” to come (sorry River… I couldn’t resist).

36 Comments on “How It Feels – Collaboration

  1. That’s up dunno… dark, macabre… yet you made it passionate. I don’t know what to think.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Holy freaking shit! That was a helluvan experience! Dark, twisted — as though it came from a psychopathic serial killer. (You aren’t, are you?) Thanks for the vicarious ride cuz I wouldn’t want to actually be in the position you describe!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • No, I’m not a serial killer (or any kind of killer actually). But I’m glad you…. liked it? It was actually fun to write. Honestly, working with Stories is an honor and he makes me really work hard and dig deep. I so appreciate it.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yes! We have written together a few times now and I’ve loved every one. In fact, the short story anthology I publish later this year will include a story we wrote together 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hope it all goes well! How do collabs work exactly – do you bounce initial ideas off each other or does one person send another a rough draft & wants their perspective on it?

        Liked by 1 person

        • Everyone does it a little different. I’ve done, I don’t know, maybe 20-25 collaborations that I can immediately think of. Sometimes one person starts and the other finishes. Sometimes we write simultaneously. Sometimes one responds to the other. Sometimes we go back and forth back and forth. Everyone is different.

          For this one, River sent me an email and asked if I wanted to stab and murder him, as I recall. lol He wrote his rough draft, I added in my parts, we discussed what should change. Added, subtracted, rewrote…. all the typical writing stuff.

          I love doing collaborations. They are always rewarding and stretching. Really helps push me as a writer to be as good as my counterpart. Or attempt to, anyway.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Ah, okay 🙂 Yeah, they sound like a interesting idea between bloggers; will definitely consider trying them out in the future!

          Liked by 1 person

  3. It was horrifyingly brilliant. I didn’t want to like it but I couldn’t stop reading. Something compelled me to walk down that dark path with you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love this one, too! I’ve since written with River on several occasions and every time we make something wonderful. (In fact, my next book will have a short story we wrote together in it! 😉)

      Liked by 1 person

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