Just Once

The day I told him I loved him, in not so many words, was the day everything came to a screeching halt

He knew I cared for him; he knew I liked him a lot, I’d said so on enough occasions

And then my heart slipped and I nearly blurted out “because I love you” and there was no stopping it

The words hung between us

Realizing the hurts of yesterday were merely swirling afterthoughts instead of a knife twist they felt like actual memories and my love for him covered over the pain

So now he knows I love him and I’m sad to say he doesn’t love me back

Oh, he cares for me but I’m a friend, a confidante, certainly not a lover; of that he’s made it deadly clear

I hate myself for being honest yet it’s something I value highly so when he asked, I answered in truth

And now there’s this chasm; he’s pulled away and it makes perfect sense because if you don’t love someone and you’re not interested in their love, it’s better to put distance between you

But damn I miss him

I love him and it’s a hundred things he doesn’t get: why he’s for me

I look at his picture and my heart dances, his words pierce my heart and speak to my soul, I have come awake in him

But I’m not his

Once, just once, I’d like to be his she

The one he longs for
The one he loves
The one who lifts him up
The one who fights tooth and nail for him
The one he reaches for
The one who invades his dreams
The one who holds his future
The one who holds his hand
The one in whom he rests
The one who he burns for
The one who is his morning and evening
The one who is his moon and stars and sky
The one he wakes to
The one he loves forever

Just once that’s who I want to be

©️tara caribou – 2018

27 Comments on “Just Once

  1. Sometimes we want it to be, and it just isn’t. Maybe the universe is working on something else. It never needs to be cruel just for kicks.
    Best of luck with this week x

    Liked by 1 person

      • Thursday soon down here. Been a big week. A lot of shift coming off the Pisces full moon. Waning to the Virgo new moon now.
        Watched Ghostbusters a few times this week. Hilarious.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Never seen it… but then I’m not much of a movie watcher. A couple days ago someone said something about “Back to the Future” and I said I’ve never seen it and they were aghast. Ha! I’m a book reader. Or sit in nature-er.

          Liked by 1 person

        • I dig any of Hermes’ methods. Why see The Lost Boys when you can read Treasure Island?🧚‍♀️🧛‍♂️

          Liked by 1 person

        • I loved reading when I started school only to find teachers didn’t share my enthusiasm. A few of us dropped out of school by the time we were 16 or 17 and our reading only increased. We played music and several died from our pack. Reading for me is inner peace. Was having this discussion this morning with my health team.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Yes. Reading is a lot of things for me. Peace, yes. Also an escape from my reality. And a release of magic and imagination and fantasy. I’m constantly in awe that writers can come up with such amazingly thorough and engaging stories.

          Liked by 1 person

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