Ashes to Mud

Using ashes, mixed with tears,
I smear mud across my skin
Over my breasts and down my ribs
Handfuls caked

In my hair, over my eyes
Down my legs and past my thighs
May these ashes, these tears,
Cleanse me, renew me

See, I’m dirty, filthy, disgusting

How I let him take the best part of me
How I gave him my heart
Scarred as it was
And he took it gladly, inspected it closely
Dug inside and shredded me

While in his other hand he held
Another heart I couldn’t, didn’t see

Then he squeezed
And blood drained out
And he squeezed and the blood
Coated his strong fingers
And he lapped it up, drank me down
While stroking
Her heart
With his thumb

He shredded me and massaged her
How could I be so blind?
She was right there and all I saw was him

And when I finally caught a glimpse
Her there in his palm
He laughed, laughed!
Tossing my heart casually back toward me

My own being too scarred
Scarcely a match compared with
Her young, vibrant heart
I had no hope of winning
He turned without a backwards glance
Quickly forgotten, my novelty wore thin

Now I feel dirty
Unclean
Used
Worthless
Unseen

So I doused my heart in flames
Burned it to ash
I’ll scour this grime using those charred remains

My tears, for some reason,
Won’t stop pouring down
Pale trails down mud-caked skin

And what the ashy mud can’t purify
I’ll use my nails
Scratching and scraping my skin
Bloody furrows dug deep
At some point, surely
I’ll finally feel clean, pure, whole again


©️tara caribou – 2018

11 thoughts on “Ashes to Mud

    1. Not that I know of. Perhaps it would be fitting and fair of me to try to view things from the heart-holder’s point of view for once. Good point. I can see some hours of deep contemplation coming my way. Very good point indeed.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Stump grinder…. I like that. Somewhat recently I felt like someone tossed my heart into a stump grinder…. but then I realized I was in a fantasy world and it was never reality to begin with…

      Like

  1. I want you to rescue that other poor creature caught in the vampire’s grip! I want you to rescue her and the two of you run away and use each other as a mirror and a balm and a talisman to ward off the evil you both encountered. And then…
    Mona

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This evokes archaic images, I can see you in the mud, but in my mind you are cackling maniacally, an Earth Goddess going in for the kill. I would never want to come in the way of those claws. Very visceral piece.

    Liked by 1 person

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