Déjà Vu

Today I feel naked and vulnerable and more than ever I wish I had his arms to lie in. I need him to carry me and speak sense into me and tell me I can be exposed before him. Everything feels like I’m on repeat. I’m sure I’ve done this before. Felt this pit in my stomach. Felt this longing. Something doesn’t feel right. Amiss. I search my mind. What. What is this? Is it that I could see myself with him for the rest of my days? That the thought terrifies and exhilarates at the same time. That I would wait for him? Because he’s worth it to me. That everyone else fades from memory in light of him? My past seems faded and smudged. That I would leave all this behind just to be wrapped up in him? Everything I’ve held dear to me pales in comparison to the amazing person he is. And I know this is mostly in my own head. The knowledge of who I really am to him. That I love him and maybe he loves me in his own way, although not in the same respect. Does it really matter who loves who more? I’ll be honest, he’s never given the word that I’m even a viable option for him. But in my wishful thinking, I am. In my wishful thinking he are already standing face to face and he doesn’t care about my scuffed and scarred surface, but sees my heart. Perhaps sees it more than I do. And his arms are open wide and I step into them and he smells amazing and my skin is on fire and I can hear his heart beating in his chest and it’s as if it’s tympanic resonance says: I-love-you-oh-I-love-you. My wishful thinking has us embracing for an eternity as we seek to meld into one whole and all those stumbling blocks don’t actually exist and the years melt away in reverse and we are both starting all over but this time, it’s together. But wait. Haven’t I had this whole vision in my head before? Didn’t I have these same wishes and dreams? I must have because it feels so familiar and I’m absolutely positive that I have written this entire thing down before. And even the second time around, my yearning for him is just as strong and I know I will live in this moment again and again and again. Wishing. Longing. Hoping. Waiting.

©️ tara caribou – 2018

Read more about longing and love at The Literati Mafia.

16 thoughts on “Déjà Vu

  1. If you could see
    What I see
    In those moments when
    You’re most vulnerable
    You might recognize
    Through the haze
    Of your sadness
    There is something within you
    The word beautiful
    Fails to describe

    I’ve heard you cry out
    For nothing more
    Than the most basic
    Of human needs
    To be touched
    In a way
    Where you are seen
    To be held
    In a way
    Where you are heard
    To be safe
    From all this
    Which has been given you
    To hear those words
    This is not your fault

    Such things
    Are not much to ask
    If I could give them
    To you, I would
    Over and over
    A thousand times a day
    But like you
    I’ve never known these things

    You’d think in this
    We’d find common ground
    But it’s exactly
    What keeps us apart
    For how do we give
    What we’ve never known
    How do we share
    What’s never been shown
    And how can we love
    That which we fail to see

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Dear Stories, thank you so much for this comment poem. I’ve read it a couple times, trying to give it the response it deserves. So, first, thank you. Is this a quote from a previous poem you wrote? Or a response to what you read, I wonder. Either way, it’s incredibly beautiful and I appreciate it. These words mean the world to me and I am immensely touched. Especially in light of how I feel about this note I’ve written. Take care, ~tara

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t delete this. It is a perfect expression of romantic love. It is forever new and transcendent…even as it repeats over and over in our lives with each cycle minimizing the last one.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I get why you’d be inclined to delete this. It’s because one’s often afraid of completely baring oneself like you’ve done in this piece. I’ve been there.
    And the decision is ultimately yours to make but I must say that this is a work of art. I feel your longing. And I hope you get whoever it is that you yearn for ❤.

    Liked by 1 person

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