I Never Could

“You are more than the sum of your pasts…
you are your future as well”

His words whispered in my ear
One warm summer evening
And the tears that shone in his eyes
Told me all I needed to know:
I had already lost him

He saw more in me than I ever could
The reflection in his eyes
I never could get there
What I witnessed disgusted me
I hated myself
I still do
Where he saw a future possible
I saw nothing but my former life
Our hands never could meet in the middle
The now

And I knew what I had done
Sabotaging myself
And him
Yet I never could get myself turned around
Facing his direction
The pull of history had too firm a grasp
I had given it so much power
Breaking its grip
Meant breaking myself

While I know I need to tear myself free
Chip away the caked on cement of clay
From off my eyes
Still I keep it wrapped about me
A comfortable cloying suffocation
It holds me back
Keeps me from growing

And still
Still
The old voices dominate my mind
You’ll never be good enough


©️tara caribou – 2018

15 thoughts on “I Never Could

  1. You are good enough – and more. Situations lie to us, because they seem so real, but they aren’t. You are beautiful and intelligent, and from what I can see0 a good heart. What else can I say? You are far more than you give yourself credit for. Let the nonsense pass. Peace . .

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Folly and deceit
        Words of such betrayal
        You hear them literally
        ‘You’re not good enough’
        But in your tortured pain
        You’ve missed for so long
        Words that have followed
        ‘Because you’re worthy of more’

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Never lose sight of your dreams
        There is much water to pass under the bridge upon which you stand
        And many flies to be caught in the web the spider weaves between the railings
        Admire your surroundings
        For you are beauty amongst it
        And do not be too hasty in leaping to the waters below

        Liked by 2 people

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