Fraud

I’m not who you think I am.

I’m not the world’s greatest mom raising up the next generation with love and care;

Or a sexy morning lover fulfilling your every fantasy and more.

I can’t weave lyrical magic to change your way of thinking.

I’m not a first-class chef able to whip up delights for your appetite;

Or a skilled architect creating magnificent buildings with both form and function.

I’m not some great charismatic leader swaying minds and changing laws…

But I am passionate. And honest. I love deeply and I’m loyal to a fault. I am simply me. You think you know me? Do you really want to? I know who I am. This is me.

I’m analytical and driven by logic; I take in facts and store them for later: always observing, sometimes commenting.

But I don’t play games: I just like the truth.

I desire justice and honor and will see through the lies and deceit, even if I don’t say anything.

I’m passionate, ravenous, loud and love generously those I deem worthy. When I meet someone who I bond with, I attach myself sometimes overwhelmingly.

I won’t be hurried but I’m irrationally impatient.

I need attention; I don’t take second place well. I don’t share and I do get jealous if someone is mine.

I believe in force-cuddling; I’m a toucher and a hugger.

My mind is always going. When it comes to logic, analysis, and organization: I’m fast. But heart issues and emotions, I struggle and I become slow. I’ve been told I over-think things but I have to for the heart is a known liar and I have no patience for liars.

I love laughing, which I do loudly and often yet I’m prone to bouts of depression. These usually result from feelings of inadequacy and never being good enough.

I don’t enjoy the city or a fast life: peaceful surroundings are where you’ll find me.

I have a fantastic imagination which can lead to glorious fantasies or detailed worst-case scenarios. My mind goes to dark places and sometimes I get stuck in my own head.

So, still think you want me? Or did I just scare you the fuck away? I know who I am. Do you?

16 thoughts on “Fraud

  1. I wouldn’t say scared away, but rather intrigued would probably better fit the bill. You are really good at filling my mind with lots of thoughts and words, but interpreting them, sifting through, and finding out what the truth is, is the real challenge about you. You are good at commenting, which makes me wait for your next one. You are compassionate but doubting in your own talents. You are mysterious, but not to the point of frustration. Scare me off? Nope, but it does make for more thought about who we really are, how others think of us, see us, and where we are going in this life, doesn’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very good insight there. I love that last sentence in particular. Exactly what I’ve been pondering. As for truth and fantasy, who can separate them? If I say everything on my blog is fantasy then people don’t worry when I write about suicide or self-harm or depression, but couldn’t take something like this one seriously. If I say it’s all true then some imaginations might become too intrigued. So I hide behind “mystery” and “vagueness” and we all win. The fact that I’ve stimulated your imagination, your thoughts, your writing…. well, that’s exactly what I set out to do. Change lives, hopefully for the better. Your comment and interactions warm my heart and I am genuinely thankful and appreciative.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Some of those characteristics may be good, worthy of a deeper relationship. But some, perhaps many or most, would put off even the most generous of hearts. Unfortunately, it’s a package deal. Perhaps I should list my many, many flaws and weird tics. You would certainly change your mind and recant. But your kind words, as always, truly warm my heart.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There isn’t a single person on this planet without a flaw, you just gotta find the one to look past yours and the one who’s flaws you find endearing. That’s the quest we’re all on 😂.
        I have some pretty terrible flaws myself, I guess. At the end of the day, it is even your imperfections that give you a certain distinction from everybody else and give you a unique aura.
        And even if you were to list your flaws, I MAY or may not change my mind. The certainty of it is still vague. Perhaps the flaws you possess are seen as a positive by me?
        Haha, have a nice day Tara. I’m glad to warm that beautiful heart of yours.

        Liked by 1 person

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