Knowing Me (astral alignment)

Knowing me, as I do
This won’t happen
There’s no special alignment
Of stars or planets for me
For I am
Worthless apparently
Not worth a little time or energy
Always I try
To make the right decisions
But they always seem to be
Poor in the end
I’m haunted
By sin and regret
Just once
I want it to go right
I want to be loved
I want to be the most important person
In someone’s eyes
Maybe even for just a week?
A day, perhaps?
I want to be held close
And tightly
I don’t want my motives questioned
I don’t want to take a backseat
Or be an afterthought
I want my heart to make just one
Good and perfect decision
But…
Knowing me, as I do
I know this won’t happen
It’s not written in the stars for me
For I am
Just…
Me

18 thoughts on “Knowing Me (astral alignment)

  1. Ah yes, but being you makes you a special person all the same, whether you believe that or not. Sorry, I can’t accept your premise. Try, try again. OK?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah… I get what you’re saying. It’s a common issue for me. Not being good enough, perfect enough, or just enough. It was that way when I was a kid and while I was married and still now to this day. I just want to BE enough, you know?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I would say the biggest change for me came when I found out I was going to be a father. It gave me a purpose in my life and made me want to be a better person. I quit drinking and stopped being so selfish and self destructive. I have to say my daughter likely saved my life. The darkness hasn’t totally gone away, it pops up at times, but nothing like it was before.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Of course. And with relationships, it may not be a matter of you being good enough at all. People you have been involved with likely had their own issues that they don’t even acknowledge. In the past I had a habit of always sabotaging any relationship that got too serious or real for me. There were a couple girls who were really great and would have done anything for me and I hurt them because I was afraid. So remember, it may not be you at all but the insecurities of the other person. Although I realize it’s easier to blame yourself.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. Good words. Yes, perhaps I take too much on myself, but I am only able to change myself, so that’s what I focus on. I guess, I’m just tired of being a loser today, if you get what I’m saying. I want to be more, be better, to fly free and soar.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. There are no perfect decisions to be made. There are just decisions. It may be the case that in order for you to believe that someone may view you as precious, or even as enough, you first have to believe, like really believe that you are the perfect expression of yourself, and that all the thousands of generations of your ancestors have been in service of creating you. You are exactly what you are meant to be. Beautiful! 💜

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You will get there at exactly the moment that you’re meant to get there. It may take time, it may take help, or it may happen by accident in an instant. I’m the mean time you, through your writing, are touching complete strangers profoundly and deeply. That is a rare skill. You’ll find yourself a little deeper inside through self awareness while writing.

        Liked by 1 person

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