Earthquake

So I’m dogsitting/housesitting right now while my friends are on vacation. About midnight and the dogs start acting weird. I’m annoyed because I want them to be sleeping. I’m laying in bed, relaxing but not asleep yet. Ugh. Leave me alone, fucking dogs. This is why I don’t have any pets. They’re whining. Wanting on my bed. Doing laps in the house. Click-click-click nails on the hard floors. God.

Yeah, so 12:30 rolls around and I start hearing cracking and popping. My bed is shaking. I sit up. Earthquake. I start the stopwatch on my phone. I’m ready to run outside, if needed. It’s just going and going and going. I time it to two full minutes. It was big. And that’s really long. The houseplants are shaking. The house is making noise. The dogs are staring at me.

Earthquakes are typical here in Alaska. Like super typical in the area I live. But not of this magnitude. I look at the USGS webpage. 8.2 about, oh, 220-ish miles south of here. Shallow. Which means possible tsunami. I’m not worried. They always get down-graded once more info comes in. (Sure enough, tsunami warnings canceled and down to a 7.9.)

But this isn’t about earthquakes… it’s about what it got me thinking about. The fragility and uncertainty of life. Am I making a difference? Have I touched the hearts of even twenty people? Made them think? Changed their lives for the better? Would it even matter if I wasn’t here? Certainly it would affect a couple people (and the dogs), my passing. Or what if I stopped writing today? Would anyone think a week or two down the road… gee, I wonder where she went?

I shudder to think of the answers to those questions.

I need to strive to be the very best that I can be every single day. Because I really don’t know when my time will be up. I need to be honest. I need to be true. I need to be someone worthy of my friendship or my love. I can’t just pine away for positive human interaction, I need to be worth the time and energy and effort it takes to put into a relationship. I think maybe I was thinking I was… but recent developments with a friend I think I lost have got me thinking deeper.

If I’m not providing “something” to the relationship, it’s not going to go anywhere. I can’t just take take take. I need to give. I mean, I try. But not enough. Perhaps I go into every relationship certain that it will fail, that it’s doomed from the start. I mean, that’s all I’ve know. Failure. Wrong decisions. Or maybe, I just haven’t been worth their time and effort. What am I bringing to the table? Am I empty-handed, with nothing of value to offer? Perhaps.

I need to think about this some more. Because in the end, I want to make an impact, leave my mark, make a difference. Not to hundreds or thousands. But a handful of people would make my life feel, mmmm, worthwhile.

20 thoughts on “Earthquake

  1. I had a thought for you when I heard about the earthquake and the tsunami alert… Glad to see it wasn’t too bad 🙂

    I am not worried that you’ll have that very impact on people around you. Be it through your words, or through your actions, I am sure you already do.

    For one thing, I know you touch your readers and make a difference in their lives with your thoughts and your stories… I’ve “followed” you long enough already to see the obvious talent in your writing, and everytime someone relates to what you have to say, you help them a little by putting words on their feelings.

    And second, if you just go back to the first part of your post… you, dog-sitting when you’re not exactly a dog person shows that you are obviously not just on the “take take take” side.

    But I totally get how this kind of experience got you to think about all this… It is good to doubt, if it pushes you to better yourself 🙂

    (Sorry for the long comment…. LOL This just spoke to me)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for the comment. You made a couple points I hadn’t really thought of in that way before. Thank you for that. I think one of my issues is that I’ve been worrying over relationships lately (friendships mostly). I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I don’t need or want a lot of friends. Just a few who can stick by me. This earthquake just got me thinking in a little different way, I suppose.

      And yeah, I’m not really a pet-owner person. I have before. And I like to, you know, pet them for a minute but then I’m done. lol Maybe I could have a fish tank or something… they don’t need attention.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh, I feel like we could have one interesting conversation about friendship over a hot cup of something! Too bad most of Canada stands in the way, hehehe.

        As for the pet-thing, the fish sounds like a good idea, but I would recommend the Perfect Polly sold online… You don’t have to feed it, and you can turn it off! The website says it IS the perfect pet! (If they say so…..)

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I think this is funny because I’ve honestly missed your posts since the last 5 days, so I hope this comes as a reassurance that you DEFINITELY have made an impact on at least a few people without even realizing it :).
    And do take care of yourself. It sounds scary. Sending prayers your way 🙆

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I thought the earth moving was due to the subject matter in some of your other posts! I was way out in left-field on that one. Might be a good thing to weave into one of your other tales, “When we were at our peak, the earth moved……” – just a suggestion….

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I used to do earthquakes when I lived in Southern California. My mother would run through the house screaming, “Earthquake” which by the way was rather obvious to the rest of us, but she insisted that we stand under door jambs (or crawl under the table) when an earthquake shook. I don’t know, but I might still be under the table today, but the jury is still out on that one, as they say…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Of course, now the rule is DON’T stand under the door jamb or get under a table. It’s lay up against a bed or couch. I still have it ingrained in my mind to get under the jamb though. Too many drills as a kid. I’ve run outside a couple times as well. For the little ones I don’t do anything but a six or more, I get ready or move.

        Like

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